


Sometimes.

by wandering_owl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad, Sad Louis, a little bit of selfharm, idk it's just a mess of sadness, not explicit thou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandering_owl/pseuds/wandering_owl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Harry finds Louis in pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know what this is.  
> is shit, don't read it, go away it's pathetic i really don't know why am i even posting it.  
> this is my mood now i guess, i hate life and well...sorry  
> really, go cause it's wasted time.

(Louis POV)

Things were okay. Really.  
A three year relationship that was hard, but strong. They loved each other, and they had an agreement with their bosses so they were fine.  
But no. everything was not fine and Harry should have known.  
It was one of those days. Few days, almost inexistent days when Louis was sad. And he wasn’t just sad, he was depressed, he felt broken, alone, worthless. Those days, he will call Harry and they will ask for permission to have a couple of hours alone. It was fine as long as they were together.  
But that day, Harry was busy walking with Nick and Louis had to stay home.  
Louis found bad gossip sites, and he started to feel sick. Reading what Harry was supposed to be doing with Nick made him nauseous.  
He knew Harry will never…he will never…  
The flash of a drunk night and a kiss between those two made his head hurt. He whimpered, crying already.  
He felt the itch in his thighs, he was dying to scratch them, as always. But no, he promised.  
“Harry” he said, once he found his phone, and he called, waiting with his heart on his throat because he was having doubts. He was being insecure, he couldn’t find any escape from his mind screaming the truth about him.  
He was worthless, he was ugly, talentless, he was betrayed, he had no love, and no one loved him.  
He sighed and griped the phone until his knuckles were white. Harry was not picking up.

 

(Harry POV)

It was one of those days, when Harry needed time out of Louis. It wasn’t common though, he loved Louis more than life so he was okay dealing with him. But today Louis was…hard to talk to.  
So he called Nick, and he left the house feeling guilty. Louis was on the couch, smiling when he closed the door. He was feeling guilty again.  
Don’t get him wrong, the most he did with Nick was a very drunk kiss which led to Louis slapping him and breaking up with him. It took him three months to go back to Louis, the most miserable three months of his life.  
So obviously, he was not going to do anything with Nick. They were friends, yes close, but just friends. And if Nick wanted more, he was ready to stop him. He was not going to lose Louis again, even if he was somewhat sick of the blue eyed man attitude.  
“C’mon Harry, think about something else! Why did you called me if you-“  
“I just…feel strange. I should go back. It’s pointless.”  
“No! you said you needed time out, right? Have your time out Harry, breathe a little of pure air.”  
“I breathe fine with him.”  
“He smothers you. Face it.”  
“He does not. He has his days, like I do. I should be home trying to soothe him. I’m leaving.”  
“Harry! Don’t go…” and Nick grabbed his arm, looking at him with those eyes. Harry sighed.  
“I love him. You know it, I got to go before he does something stupid.”  
“He promised, didn’t he? He won’t-“  
“He will. He can’t keep the promise.”  
Harry felt his phone ringing and he frowned at the name.  
Louis.  
He saw he had three missing calls from him and shivered.  
No.

When Harry opened the door, everything was dark, and he was almost crying of fear.  
Louis said he was tired. Too tired and he wanted to sleep.  
Louis said that once before, and took almost a complete bottle of pills. Harry had to wake him up and made him throw up, dragged him to the hospital and face the shouts of his bosses by himself, trembling because it was his fault.  
So he was freaking out.  
“Louis?!” no answer, Harry walked to their room and found Louis inside, sat on the middle of the bed, knees on his face completely naked. The light was on and Harry could see the red marks on Louis legs.  
Fuck.  
“No, baby what…” he walked to the bed, and held Louis against him, wrapping himself around him. “It’s fine. I’m here babe, tell me what’s wrong.”  
“They said….they say you’re with Nick. With him, like dating, ‘cause you run to him when we’re home and I…” his voice was wrecked, the smell of cigarettes in the room, in Louis’ skin. “They said you cheated on me…with him and left me…or I left you for…and I just…” Harry hugged him tighter. “I just hate me. Hate how I look, how I do things, how I think even. I hate this…hiding, I hate my family too…I wish…I wish I could tell…but I can’t and I…they made the girls…Harry!”  
He broke apart, like always on these days, crying and biting his hand to stop the screams, holding Harry like he was the only thing keeping him on the ground, on the world even.  
“It’s fine. We’re fine, that’s bullshit. Lou…”  
“I hate my life. I hate this thing I am now, I hate how I have to stop…I have to hide how I love you, how you’re mine and nobody else’s. fucking not Nick’s, not some whore that need fame and…my mother! Fuck, my mother just…Harry…” he cried for an hour, Harry hugged him until Louis had nothing else to cry for. And then, he scooped him from the bed and carried him to their bathroom.  
They took a bath, Louis hissing when the water touched his wounded legs, and cried a little more when Harry washed him.  
“Don’t touch me…I’m so ugly…”  
“You’re beautiful. I think you’re the most beautiful thing in the world.” Louis smiled a second, but then Harry was washing his legs and kissing the scratches. “Even like this, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But I like you when you’re healthy, smiling, thick thighs I can bite and strong hands in my hair…”  
“Don’t do this. Go with him. Go out. Don’t come back.” Harry sighed and kissed a trail from Louis’ knee to his belly (tummy long gone and thighs thinner, slim waist that Harry liked better when it looked fuller. Fuck, Louis was so skinny.) going up until he reached the thin lips, pink and raw, a single drip of blood in the bottom one that he kissed and sucked. It tasted like all the things Louis was feeling.  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you.”  
“Why?! I’m not even the shadow of who I was before. This…life drained me. I’m not me…”  
“Yes you are. This is just a bad day.”  
“I’ve been like this since February. I’ve been like this and I can’t…”  
“Liar. You’re having bad days lately, that’s all.”  
“I want to die Harry.”  
And yes, Louis made it quite obvious on this days that he was tired but he never said it straight to Harry’s face. And he freaked out.  
“How you dare to say something like this?! Why would you…?! I’ve tried my best to keep you happy despite the mess our lives are and you…you want to die. I…I kissed him once, drunk and you knew it, I apologized so many times. You don’t trust me, you don’t love me anymore because…you want to leave me like that? Permanently! Forever.”  
“No. Harry I lov-“  
“Then stay here! With me, help me to go on with this, we love our job, we love it but if I have to leave and hide on an island for the next ten years because you need to leave I will. You promised me…promised you will give me a ring to wear on my ring finger and vows, you promised a house with me, two dogs and three cats, you promised me kids and growing older together. You promised me that when I was seventeen Louis! And I believed it! I still believe we can do that…we can have that.”  
“I want that. I want it so bad…” he was crying again, hot tears on his cold skin and Harry wanted to kill someone. Or himself because in this world, Louis should be happy and smiling all the time. Not like this, not broken and crying and wishing his death. “I don’t know if we will ever…be able to have it…”  
“We will. If we hang on together. We came this far Lou. We can go on.”  
“But my family…” Harry got up, took Louis’ hand and kissed his forehead. Louis looked so tiny wrapped in a big fluffy towel, so small next to him, so fragile.  
“Just stay with me, yeah? Future will tell what will happen with your family. But we are going to be together. Just stay.”  
“Mmh. I can do that…if you’re here, I can do that.”  
“Not going anywhere.”  
“Ok.”  
Harry thinks Louis is in pieces at times like this, that he needs to break so Harry can pick him up, make him whole again because it's what Louis does for him when he is the one suffering. He can pick up the pieces, and he will never complain about it, he just needs to remember himself that this Louis, this person breathing heavily on his chest because he cried too much and fell asleep, this is Louis too; he needs to remember that part of this broken Louis is because of him.  
He understands, and goes on. A love like this is forever, probably, Harry believes.

 

The next day, Louis was himself again, loud and smiling and looking at Harry like he was the only thing that mattered in the world.  
Harry can’t lie, he is worried about Louis' family, about those gosspi sites and magazines, about Louis' health the most. But he understands and goes on, he’s not giving up on what they have. He won’t.  
“You know I love you, right?” Louis whispers in his ear, seconds before they have to go on stage. Harry smiles like an idiot.  
“I love you, too.” Louis winks, and yeah, that’s Louis.  
Louis’ like that, like a pixie and Peter Pan, like a nerd and unashamed, a troublemaker and an eternal child. Louis’ like that, mischievous smiles and hidden touches. And Harry loves him. He loves every single part of him. This Louis, and the broken pieces of Louis he finds sometimes.  
Yeah, he loves Louis, at all times.


End file.
